Healthy egoism is the ability to take care of yourself and your needs without infringing on the rights and interests of others. This is realizing that you are important, that you have your own goals and desires, and that you have the right to meet them.
In this article, we will tell you more about how to develop it for yourself and your child.
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Key characteristics of healthy selfishness
Taking care of yourself
The ability to listen to and meet your needs (physical, emotional, intellectual). This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising, relaxing, hobbies, and time for yourself.
Setting boundaries
The ability to say no to requests and demands that deplete resources or conflict with your values. This is important for protecting energy and personal space.
Respect for yourself
Understanding your values and rights. This includes knowing how to protect yourself from unfair treatment, establish healthy relationships, and prevent others from manipulating you.
Responsibility for yourself
Taking responsibility for your decisions and actions. This means you don't put the blame on others and don't expect someone else to make you happy.
Defending your interests
The ability to express needs and wants without fear of judgment or rejection. This is the ability to negotiate, find compromises and defend your own rights.
Self-esteem and self-esteem
The ability to value yourself, your achievements and qualities regardless of the opinions of others. This is the basis for self-confidence and the ability to make decisions that benefit you and others.
Self-development
The desire for personal growth and the development of personal abilities. This means learning new things, overcoming weaknesses and constantly improving.
Healthy egoism vs. unhealthy egoism
Unhealthy selfishness (or egocentrism) is characterized by disregard for other people's feelings and needs. An egocentric puts his own interests above those of others and manipulates, uses and exploits people to achieve his goals. He is incapable of empathy and does not see the world from someone else's point of view.
The benefits of healthy selfishness
- Increased self-esteem and self-confidence.
- Improving the quality of life.
- Strengthening relationships with others (paradoxically, taking care of yourself makes you a more valuable partner, friend, and family member).
- Reducing stress and burnout.
- Improving the ability to make decisions and achieve goals.
How to teach yourself and your child healthy selfishness
Engaging in healthy selfishness is a gradual process that requires awareness, practice and patience. It's important to start small and be consistent in your actions and words.
How to teach yourself healthy selfishness
Identify your own needs
What do you really need to be happy? What's draining you?
Identify boundaries
Where are your borders? What are you willing to endure and what are you not willing to endure?
Don't try to change everything all at once. Start with small situations where you find it difficult to say no.
Be polite but firm
Don't make excuses or explain too much. Just express your position clearly and calmly.
Offer alternatives
If possible, offer an alternative that works for both of you. For example, “I can't help you now, but I can do it tomorrow.”
Use simple phrases
Phrases like “I need time to think”, “I can't do this right now”, “Thanks, but I'm not interested” will help to say “no” softly.
Remember your own values
What is important to you? What principles are you not willing to break?
Keep a diary
Record feelings, thoughts, and reactions to different situations. This will help you understand yourself better.
Make time for yourself
Plan time for activities that bring you pleasure and relaxation.
Take care of your physical health
Eat right, exercise, get enough sleep.
Take care of your emotional health
Talk to friends, meditate, keep a diary, and see a psychologist if necessary.
Do something nice for yourself every day
Little joys make life more comfortable.
Learn to express your own needs
Talk about what you need directly and openly.
Don't be afraid to ask for help
This is not a sign of weakness. Many people will be happy to help you.
Protect your rights
Don't let others manipulate or use you.
Let go of guilt
Taking care of yourself is not selfishness but a necessity.
Accept that you can't please everyone
There will always be people who are not happy. This is not your problem.
Focus on your own goals
Don't let yourself and others lead you astray.
Believe in yourself
You have a right to happiness and well-being. Always remember this!
How to teach your child healthy selfishness
Be an example
Kids learn by watching you. Show them how you care for yourself, set boundaries, and stand up for your interests.
Teach your child to express feelings
Help him name and express his emotions. Ask him how he feels when someone violates his boundaries.
Teach your child to say no
Support him when he refuses to do things he doesn't like or things that are contrary to his values.
Teach your child to take care of themselves
Help him choose healthy food, exercise, and get enough sleep.
Help your child stand up for their own interests
Support him when he is protecting his belongings or territory.
Respect the child's boundaries
Don't make him do something he doesn't want to do, even if you think it's for his own good.
Encourage autonomy
Let your child make decisions and be responsible for them.
Praise him for his healthy selfishness
Celebrate when a child is taking care of themselves, setting boundaries, or advocating for their own interests.
Discuss real-life situations
Analyze with your child different situations in which he is faced with the need to show healthy selfishness.
Read books and watch movies that teach healthy selfishness
This will help your child understand that taking care of themselves is important.
Key points
As early as possible
The sooner you start teaching your child healthy selfishness, the easier it will be for him in the future.
Patience
Teaching healthy selfishness is a long process. Don't expect your child to learn how to set boundaries right away. Be patient and don't ask too much.
Avoid extremes
It is important to teach a child healthy selfishness rather than self-centeredness. Explain to him the difference between taking care of yourself and neglecting others
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